The BLOOD boat
by olivia-da-freakshow
Summary: A young girl finds herself on the Titanic...written without the original authors permission, but I have a point I need to make....
1. Default Chapter

The BLOOD boat-Stopped Breathing  
  
Chapter One-Olivia becomes a ghost  
  
Olivia bent far over the railing of the ship as she watched the water flying beneath her.  
  
"I'm the king of the worrldd!"She cried. "I am the king-AHHHHHHH!!!!"She leant a bit too far out when she was doing her 'interesting' interpretation, and plunged, head first, into the icey Atlantic.  
  
"Help meeee!"She wailed as she felt the water stabbing at her body like ten thousand knives.  
  
Jack Dawson and Rose Dewitt Bukater stopped kissing and looked over.  
  
"Hello down therree?"Jack called. "Is there anyone down there?"  
  
Olivia waved frantically, but Jack shook his head. "Nup," he told Rose. "No anyone worth diving in that freezing water to save," and they resumed their make out session.  
  
Olivia struggled desperatley against the icey waves. "Thomas, is that you?"She cried as a handsome figure saw past her. "Will you help me?"  
  
"Sorry, old chap,"Thomas cried. "I heard there was a buy one get one free sale at Wal-Mart. That's where I'm headed,"  
  
He swam away, and Olivia resumed her frantic battle to stay above the raging water.  
  
She was not a strong enough swimmer, fortuantly, to stop the power of the suction dragging her towards the propellper blades. As this is only a Pg 13 story, we'll just say she emerged-with big boo-boos.  
  
"Ahh, my legs!!" she cried as she fought her way up the slippery hull of the ship, which was extremely difficult as she know was missing her two lower limbs, which unfortuantly, were stuck in the propellers, being eaten by Pilchards and Dolphins and meeting and all round untimely fate.  
  
She emerged above the deck of the Titanic and hauled herself up by her arms.  
  
"Oh god!"Cried a voice standing above her. "She's gotten blood all over the new timber floors!"  
  
"You'll have to pay for that!"Cried a steward angrily. "That's White Star line property, that is,"  
  
Weeping, Olivia dragged herself along the deck until she reached the elevators. "Take-me-down"She gasped  
  
"Are you alright, sir?"Asked the steward anixously.  
  
It did not matter to Olivia that the steward had thought she was a man, she was so pleased that a man had actually paid attention to her that she hauled herself, jerkily into his lap.  
  
"Err-sir?"Asked the confused steward.His confusement soon gave way to sheer terror, however as she gave an almighty lurch and tried to kiss him. Opting out, the steward pushed Olivia off.  
  
"You will be mine forever!!"She cried rolling around on the floor. "You must love me!!!"  
  
The steward had no choice.He opened the door and sent Olivia hurtling down the shaft.  
  
"Hellllpppp meeeeee!"Olivia cried as her body made a sickening cruch on the bottom of the elevator.She shrieked as she looked up and saw the elavator approaching, knowing that if she waited she would be crushed underneath the elevator. She used her arms to haul herself out of the way just a second too late, and her left arm strayed into the path of the oncoming elevator, and, as stated before, as all that can happen in a PG 13 rated story, she needed really big band-aids to fix the damage.  
  
Using her remaining good limb to drag herself up out onto the E level floor, she sank into a sobbing heap on the sparkling white floor, staining it with blood.  
  
Olivia looked up as she heard footsteps coming down the hall.  
  
"Why, hello," Said the man, who had stopped in front of her. "I'm Scary old man number one,"  
  
She smiled, showing the holes of the teeth she had lost in the propellors. "I'm Olivia, Mr Oldman,"She grasped his trouser leg. "You're my one true love,"She whined "Let me follow you around and pant if you come within a square metre of me!!"  
  
The man adjusted his hat. "That would be very nice, Oiivia."He grinned.It wasn't everyday a attractive young woman passed his way. **************************************************************************** ***** "Take me to the stars, Scary,"Olivia grated in her annoying mono tone.  
  
Scary Old Man hopped behind the steering wheel. "I must warn you Olivia, I can't-"  
  
"Stop moaning and get the car over here now!"Snapped Olivia. "it's not a man's place to think for himself.  
  
Scary obediently started the engine, and put his foot on the accelerator.Olivia looked the other way.  
  
"Where did you say you were standing, Olivia?"  
  
"What?"Said Olvia densely.  
  
She screamed as she felt the car crash into her. "You've broken my back!"She whined as the car crashed through the wall of the ship, causing water to spurt in the sides.  
  
"Just so you know,"Said Scary. "Thought I'd tell you that I'm blind-"The water cascaded into the car, and Scary Old Man was no more.  
  
There was no such luck for Olivia to end her tormented life though. (Wait on, what am I talking about? She torments the lives of me and my friends. Doesn't she realise the hatred she inspires in us to give us the incentive to write a story like this? My co-authors and I believe that for the sake of humankind, she may take the point that NO ONE LIKES HER or the fact that she is a BORING LOSER. I hate to provide a mockery of my friends excellent stories, but she is writing for his man-crazed psychopath.Why she sold her soul out, I don't know, but I hope she reads this and severs any ties she has with this girl, and stops writng fics for her immediately.While we are on the topic, she should also ban the story Olivia wrote about her.She portrays Mel as a man crazed nutter who sleazes on to Thomas in about the time it has taken me to write this sentence.Perhaps Olivia based the character on herself and just used Mel's name?).  
  
Anyways, Olivia survived, but by the time she reached the first class floor again she was a torso and not much else.She used her remaining teeth to drag herself along, stopping only to wince as people stepped on her.  
  
Olivia stared as she turned a corner and came across a sobbing Thomas Andrews.She dragged herself towards him for a closer look.  
  
"Mr Andrews, Mr Andrews, why are you crying?"  
  
"Good god!"He spat out the brandy he had been sipping. "Great Scott's, you're ugly!Wait-aren't you the girl from the water?"  
  
Olivia went to reply, but just as she opened her mouth , she was interrupted by some random guys seen before on The Mummy.  
  
"Oh god, it's the Mummy!"Benny shrieked.  
  
"No,I don't think so,"Said O'Connell, clutching Evie. "Lets use it for target practice!"  
  
"Why are we in this fic-and wheres my golden stick?"Asked a confused Jonathon.  
  
Will Olivia be turned into a human pin cushion?Will random characters from The Mummy destroy the creature and save the day?Will the Titanic hit an ice berg and sink?Find out in the next thrilling installment of The BLOOD boat. 


	2. Olivia loses her memory

The Blood Boat-Chapter Two: Olivia has no memory  
  
Author notes: Now some have you have been reviewing and leaving notes of concern about the destruction of this so called character, Olivia. I would just like to specify that in no terms is Olivia anything but a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.*cough, cough*.As this is a humour/horror fic, we have every reason to loathe this character, as we have purposely made her a boring, fat, ugly stalker with no friends and no life but to stalk random members of the public. We think that our character should go out and get a life, personally.  
  
"What do you mean, I'm a fictional character?" Olivia whined." Do fictional characters get to stalk more people?"  
  
Rick O Connell gaped, at a total loss. However, luckily the random hot magi guy from The Mummy, Ardeth Bay, voiced his opinions.  
  
"We must destroy the creature and save our (and everybody else's!) souls,"  
  
"But-Oh, alright then," Rick fired a rally of shots at Olivia, who screamed when she realised.  
  
"You must looovvvveee me!" She grated. "Don't you love me?"  
  
Imotehp randomly appeared in front of Olivia. "Oh, god, Its so ugly!" He cried in ancient Egyptian, his only language.  
  
Jonathon waved his golden stick and looked confused. "Which is the mummy and which isn't? And why are we randomly inserted in this fic?"  
  
(E.d-to cause Olivia as much pain as usual)  
  
"Oh, thanks for clearing that up," Jonathon said gratefully. "Come on then, chaps, destroy the creature, chop chop!"  
  
Olivia lay in a sobbing heap. The random characters from The Mummy had left, believing they had succeeded in killing 'the creature'. Little did they know that what they had been dealing with was much, much worse than The Mummy.  
  
Thomas Andrews was walking along the deck, humming to himself when he tripped and fell over Olivia.  
  
"Yes," Olivia shrieked in her annoying monotone. "I've finally landed myself a man, after all these years of stalking!!"  
  
"Forgive me, miss, I didn't see you there, I-Oh god, it's you again. Where you born like that?" Thomas took a few steps away, just in case what she had was catching.  
  
"Born like what? A totally irresistible babe?"  
  
"Oh, so you're a woman are you?" Thomas realised how insulting he must have sounded. "So-so hard to tell these days, really".  
  
As Thomas Andrews is really a top whole, irresistible spunk rat, he decided to make an effort to be nice to Olivia. "Will you-join me for dinner- tonight?"  
  
"Oh, Thomas, you're my dream prince," Olivia latched her teeth onto Thomas's trouser leg. "I'm never going to let you go, for the rest my life,"  
  
Thomas made an alarming figure coming into the dining room that evening, Olivia had kept to her promise and still had her teeth attached to his trouser leg, weighing him down, and letting herself be dragged along as he walked.  
  
"Evening, Thom-Oh my GOD!" Bruce Ismay jumped back a few metres. "What in the name of all that is holy is that?"  
  
"Bruce-I'd like you to meet-err, Frankenste- I mean, Olivia".  
  
Just when Thomas had started to believe that he would never be free of the horrible appendage-like creature that had latched herself onto him like a leech, the most terrifying, stalkerish, ugly leech in all of leech history, three figures entered pushed open the dining room doors and came striding in.  
  
People stopped eating and stared. They were teenagers, and the girl flipped her hair as she came in.  
  
"Good lord, is that Harry Potter?" Olivia croaked, releasing her grip on Thomas as she opened her mouth, who immediately ran outside and threw himself off the ship, intent on swimming back to land, anywhere that Olivia wasn't.  
  
Olivia barely noticed. She had new prey now. 


End file.
